Ego and Insecurity

In over 40 years of dealing with leadership challenges and decisions, I’ve noticed that in most of the problematic situations, the discussion is only partly objective and mostly subjective. The subjectivity comes from many different angles, but the most problematic are ego and insecurity. Our ego tends to cause a blind spot. Our insecurity tends to cause over-sensitivity.

When a person’s area of ego overlaps with his area of insecurity, the result is a very dangerous situation of miscommunication. The person can’t see the problem because of his ego; he doesn’t want to deal with it because of his insecurity.

If it is just a question of ego, the person can humble himself. If it is just a question of insecurity, the person can exercise faith. When the two overlap, even the smallest disagreement causes an explosion of hurt, mistrust, anger, betrayal, division, etc. This ego and insecurity loop can destroy relationships and communication in government, business, ministry, and family.

Even Yeshua’s top disciples struggled with the same psychological conflicts. “Then a dispute arose among them as to which of them would be greatest” (Luke 9:46). To cover up the “gap” in relational and communication breakdown, each person tends to develop a “narrative” in his own mind. He begins to “tell himself a story” describing what has happened. That story usually depicts the other people as perpetrators and himself as the victim. “This is unfair! I want justice!” That’s what both sides are telling themselves in their own narrative. At that point you are heading for a collision.

“Asher, are you telling us that most leadership problems are actually personal communication breakdowns based on ego and insecurity?” Well, yes.

So, what is the solution? Justice won’t help when the narratives have been poisoned and perverted. The only answer is for us to become like Yeshua. Jesus-like investment of grace is the only thing that can reach the roots of ego and insecurity.

The cross gives us the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18). We can stand in the gap where relationships have broken down (Ezekiel 22:30). We can forgive those who have done us wrong (Luke 23:34). We can act in integrity and stand by our word, even to our own disadvantage (Psalm 15:4). We can pray for those who have spoken wrongly about us (Matthew 5:44).

Faithfulness in the midst of a difficult situation can provide an opportunity to build trust. Generosity of heart can touch the other person at their point of dysfunction. (Ahh, this is much easier to say than to do!) Yeshua’s crucifixion gave us reconciliation with God. Our living a life like the cross can give reconciliation with others. His crucifixion is not only our atonement; it is also our example of leadership that solves irreconcilable differences and heals those around us.

Ultimately only the grace of God in Yeshua’s sacrificial love can heal the root problems of ego and insecurity.